Last week, the first case of Zika infection through a mosquito bite was found in Miami. Up to this point, about 1,600 Zika cases had already occurred in the U.S. this year, however all of those cases could be linked to patients either recently traveling to Latin America or the Caribbean, where the Zika virus is most prevalent. Either that or they were on the receiving end of a good ol' fashioned Zika sex romp, as like AIDs, the clap, and deep feelings of inadequacy, Zika can be transmitted through sexual contact.
Now most major news outlets freaked out at this news, which is an overreaction. But can you really blame them? It must be exhausting to be a part of the 24-hour news cycle that spends 23.5 hours a day discussing the last outrageous thing Trump said or speculating whether or not Hillary had half a dozen DNC contributors murdered in cold blood. Throw them a story about a potential epidemic started at the tiny little hands of blood-sucking insects and anybody with a brain would expect to see a "BREAKING NEWS: END OF THE WORLD PANDEMIC??" scrolling across the bottom of CNN for the next few days.
But because most of us live in a world of reality and moderation, let's quickly breakdown what the Zika virus is and what you should be concerned about now that infected mosquitos have been found in America's heartland. First off, as long as you're not a woman who is pregnant or trying to become pregnant, you're gonna be fine. Most infected patients see little to no symptoms, and those that do simply experience flu-like symptoms such as fever, joint pain, muscle pain, and headache, although it does sometimes come with the Bob Costa's Olympic special (pink eye).
However, if you are a pregnant woman who gets infected, it can lead to birth defects in your unborn child, specifically microcephaly, which is a lack of development in the brain that leads to a smaller than normal head size, pretty much the opposite of whatever Ted Kennedy had. These birth defects have been occurring all over Latin America and the Caribbean, where Zika is currently running rampant due to a lack of education, lack of protected sex, and general lack of money and doctors.
The landing pad for the virus-laden mosquitos in America has been the beautiful state of Florida, which ironically is also home to a lack of education, protected sex, non-drug-related money, and doctors as well. As of early this week, 17 cases of Zika infection by mosquito bite were currently under investigation, 13 of which are linked to a one block section in Miami's Wynwood, a place where it is often asked "how could this get worse?" and then Zika happened.
In summary you are really only at risk if you recently traveled to Latin America, the Caribbean, or Wynwood, FL. If you have and believe that you were subject to a mosquito bite, go see a doctor and get tested, especially if it was a "Wynwood Mosquito Bite" aka a gun shot wound, in which case you should stop reading this immediately and head to a hospital. All in all, I think the lesson we all learned here is fuck mosquitos and fuck Florida.