First things first, this is more than just a "winnable" game. This is a highly favorable matchup for the Packers as anyone with any semblance of common sense knows. My final score prediction is Packers 30, Jaguars 20. Now, on to what to watch for: l1) The effectiveness of the offensive line. Things have been kinda crazy this past week with Pro-Bowl guard Josh Sitton being released under a shroud of mystery. Recent reports point towards Sitton's displeasure with the Packers telling him they would not be negotiating an extension with him this season, and that he'd have to wait until long-term deals are reached with some of the younger players (i.e. Lacy and two other O-lineman in Bakhtiari and Tretter). Given that Green Bay's front office is not a big fan of drama - even though this move caused a lot of it - this seems like a legitimate reason for Sitton's release, along with the money it freed up in the process. But anyways, onto the players that will be actually be on the field in Jacksonville this Sunday, protecting the Golden Armed God that is Aaron Rodgers. Lane Taylor will be stepping in at left guard and should be a solid replacement for Sitton. He's gotten plenty of in-game reps as the first guard off the bench for the last two years, so I'm not too worried about it. The rest of the O-line is filled out by solid returning starters. TJ Lang at right guard, Bryan Bulaga at right tackle, JC Tretter at center with Corey Linsley injured, and David Bahktiari at left tackle. It should be interesting (terrifying) to see if all the drama this past week has any affect on the offensive line's performance. Let's hope for the sake of Rodger's brain and collarbone that it does not. 2) Can Davante Adams and Randall Cobb make up for subpar 2015/2016 seasons? Last year Cobb caught six touchdowns, half the number he had in 2014. This was in a season where he was supposed to step up and be WR1 with Jordy out for the year. It was disappointing to say the least and made it pretty clear that Cobb is not a top level receiver in the NFL, but rather he benefits from opposing team's top CBs covering Nelson and constantly sending safety help in the direction of that majestic white stallion. Adams was supposed to be a breakout star after he exploded onto the scene in the end of the 2014 season. He responded by catching one touchdown and racking up less than 500 receiving yards. Granted, he missed three games due to injury, but if Cobb's season was disappointing, Adam's season was a goddamn abomination. I'm not worried about Jordy. He'll be playing fewer snaps than usual as a precaution, but I think we'll see him at full speed and 100% healthy for the downs he does play. 3) The triumphant return of Clay Matthews to outside linebacker. After two seasons of playing inside due to an awful Packer's run defense, we finally get to see Clay back in his natural position at ROLB. This will be key for a pass rush that now features both Matthews and Peppers coming off the edge. If Peppers can maintain the level he played at last year, it should be a formidable dual attack. The major concern with the defense now is up the middle. Fourth round pick Blake Martinez will be starting at ILB alongside Jake Ryan, and will be the defensive signal caller despite being a rookie. Week 1 will be a solid test of the run defense as the Pack is gonna have to stop both Chris Ivory and T.J. Yeldon. Now here's some Clay Matthews highlights to drool over: 4) Eddie Lacy running hungry. And I'm not talking about him running after some China food. Lacy has looked really good in the preseason (yeah yeah I know it's just preseason) which gives me hope that he can bounce back from a rather unimpressive 2015 season. Lacy is never going to be a 25+ touch a game running back, over his three years in the league his number of rushing attempts has gone down each year. I expect him to be at about 15 attempts per game, with Starks getting around 5 attempts when we need to switch things up to a more cutting/slashing run attack. But despite his relatively low number of touches per game compared to most RB1s, I truly think he'll have an effective year and be threatening enough to really open up the play action game for Rodgers. 5) Coaching and play-calling. I firmly believe that both of these areas have been the biggest weaknesses for Green Bay over the last few years. I don't buy into Dom Capers, I think he has a tough time these days in a league where at least 50% of the quarterbacks are mobile enough to make plays with their feet. This has been shown in multiple playoff loses to the Kaepernick-led 49ers and Russell Wilson's Seahawks.
Also, Mike McCarthy will once again be taking over play-calling duties. I discussed this in a previous blog but I'll quickly recap my thoughts on this:
Go Pack Go
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One of the more complicated environmental and political issues over the last few years has been the significant increase in the use of hydraulic fracturing, or fracking, in the retrieval of previously inaccessible gas and oil reserves. Like with most issues today, many of the most vocal opinions out there are staunchly on either one side or the other when it comes to how much environmental damage fracking causes and if it’s worth the apparent economic benefits. I’ve done my best to hear the arguments on both sides and draw conclusions based on the facts and what we know right now. A lot of media coverage focuses on sensationalizing stories and drawing a line down the middle that separates the two sides. I’m not gonna do that, as this is not a black and white issue nor is it as simple as both sides try to make it out to be. Few things are, especially when they involve environmental disasters, political bureaucracy, energy independence, and morons in central Pennsylvania signing over their land without reading the fine print. Now let’s get started. What exactly is fracking? Is it dangerous to the environment? Why should I care? Is any part of this blog going to be funny or should I just skip it? These are all questions that I’m gonna try to answer in the following paragraphs, some maybe more successfully than others.
It’s kind of like the “I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE” scene from “There Will Be Blood,” except the other guy has a really thick milkshake and you have to stir it with a spoon in order for it to go through your straw. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but I know it’s more complicated than that and not quite as delicious. This process allows drilling firms to access hard to reach resources of oil and gas. In recent years it has significantly increased our domestic oil production and, as a result, has drastically lowered gas prices (yay!). But this comes at a cost, as studies have found that it’s “highly probable” that fracking triggers small earth tremors (boooooo!) and causes some worrying environmental issues as well. Let’s start with the good stuff: the recent fracking fixation has resulted in a noticeable drop in carbon emissions domestically, as it has provided enough gas at cheap prices for natural gas to replace coal. In fact, America’s greenhouse gas emissions are currently at a 27-year low. Furthermore, fracking has given the US and Canada about 100 years of gas security, and presented the opportunity to generate electricity at half of the CO2 emissions of coal. Now for the bad stuff: last weekend, a magnitude 5.6 earthquake hit Oklahoma. It's tied for the strongest earthquake ever recorded in the state and is believed to have been triggered by fracking operations in the area. Earthquakes don’t result from the actual drilling part of fracking; they actually result from the injection of fracking wastewater at depths well below the fracking horizon. But regardless of what part of the process initiated this, causing earthquakes is generally frowned upon. Fracking also uses large amounts of water, which have to be transported to the fracking site at a significant environmental cost (i.e. hundreds and hundreds of heavy-duty diesel trucks). It can take up to 7 or 8 million gallons of water to frack a single well, and roughly 30% of that water is lost forever, deep underground. In addition, many people also believe that fracking causes groundwater contamination. But this is where the narrative gets sensationalized and we have to be careful. From what scientists, geologists (rock scientists, so not really scientists), and drilling experts say, there is no evidence that the fracking process itself can cause groundwater contamination when done correctly. Instances of polluted groundwater in places like Colorado and Pennsylvania are more likely a result of bad practices, shoddy construction, and poor regulation. The “fracking fluid” that is pumped into the earth also contains chemicals that are known toxins and carcinogens (aka things that cause cancer, like asbestos and Drew Barrymore’s acting). When contained properly within the fracking machinery or deep underground far away from natural aquifers, there is no risk of these toxins and carcinogens contaminating the water supply. However, due to poor regulation and oversight, spills and leaks have occurred numerous times and are known to have contaminated the groundwater in some fracking areas. This has lead to increased neurological disorders and cancer rates in the communities affected by these issues. Oil and gas companies have paid millions in fines and settlements with the families affected, but at this point the money they’ve paid out doesn’t seem to be significant enough for them to clean up their practices, as mistakes keep happening. Like regular oil drilling or nuclear power, fracking can be relatively harmless to the environment and our water supply as long as it is regulated appropriately and the people in charge don’t make gigantic mistakes. When that isn’t the case, events like Chernobyl, Deepwater Horizon, and Fukushima can happen and decimate the lives of the people, fish, and adorable little otters unlucky enough to be near the disaster. When you drill deep into the earth for highly combustible resources using massive amounts of water full of carcinogens and neurotoxins, you sure as hell better have some major oversight and regulations put in place to make sure everything is up to standards. That’s where things seem to be going off the rails. It’s up to the government to start levying significant fines on companies that fail to comply to EPA regulations.
It’s also up to the media to write these stories, exposing companies that shirk their responsibility to the people in their drilling zones just to save a few bucks. Do you think any offshore drilling company is taking safety regulations lightly after BP lost a reported $62 billion due to the Deepwater Horizon spill? Hit these companies where it hurts (their bank accounts) if they contaminate our water and hit us where it hurts (our organs and bones and other parts of our body we need to live).
First off, there are two main active compounds in marijuana; tetrahydocannabinol (THC) and cannabidiol (CBD). Cannabidiol is the non-psychoactive component. It is believed to have pain-relieving, anti-inflammatory, and anti-psychotic properties that may help people with schizophrenia, Parkinson’s disease, and cancer. This is the compound that pharmaceutical companies are scared of, as it may be a natural replacement for those lucrative pain medications all the kids are hooked on these days. But the compound we’re gonna talk about is the psychoactive component, which is known as THC. Tetrahydocannabinol causes both psychological effects such as euphoria, lack of concentration, a fragmented thought process, impaired memory, drowsiness, distorted time perception, and paranoia, to name a few. It also causes physical effects that include increased heart rate, red eyes, dry mouth, and increased appetite. These effects occur within seconds as THC goes from your lungs – if you smoked it, if you ate a pot brownie and it goes to your lungs you’re gonna experience slightly different effects (i.e. choking and death) – to your bloodstream and then to your brain. In your brain, THC attaches to cannabinoid receptors, mimicking a natural neurotransmitter called anandamide.
Anandamide is often called the “bliss molecule,” which sounds lovely. It plays a role in improving memory and learning, dulling pain, and increasing appetite. Because THC can mimic anandamide, when it binds to certain receptors in the brain it blocks anandamide from doing its job. Much like smoking weed before work blocked you from doing your job. Hey Kai, that subway sandwich isn’t gonna make itself, get your shit together.
When THC binds to anandamide’s receptors it prevents anandamide from doing its job, so the areas in the brain where these receptors are located get thrown out of whack. Cannabinoid receptors are located in high concentrations in the following areas of the brain:
Cerebellum: involved in coordination, precision, and timing. When this region of the brain is affected by THC, it can lead to the individual having a distorted perception of time. If you’ve ever driven on a long, straight road while high (disclaimer: you shouldn’t drive under the influence blah blah blah, okay I’m pretty sure that covers me legally) you notice while driving that it’s taking a realllllyyyy long time to get to the end of the road and you’re pretty sure you might actually not be moving at all. This is also why it takes longer for the oven to preheat, the pizza to cook, and for your friend holding the joint to shut the fuck up and pass it already.
Basal ganglia: assists with coordination of movement. If you’ve ever been hiking while high, or doing any other activity that involves a modicum of athletic ability, you’ll notice that normal, every day motions are a little bit harder to pull off. It’s my excuse every time I airball a shot playing basketball, cuz it makes you seem super chill and also provides a legitimate reason for why your 3-point attempt barely made it past the foul line.
Some people, like myself, are more on the paranoia and anxiety side of the marijuana spectrum. It’s not much fun, but at least there’s an explanation other than the often uttered but seldom true “bro, something was in that weed.”
Neurons in your brain typically have a “refractory period” after they fire, meaning they aren’t able to fire again for a certain period of time. However, cannabinoids remove the refractory period of active neurons, which causes your thoughts, imagination, and perception to run wild. You essentially get caught up in the momentum of your most recent idea, whether it’s “what if what I see as orange other people see as green?” or “what was that noise? Dude, that was definitely the cops, I thought I heard sirens earlier. No, that wasn’t from the movie, Josh, it was totally from outside the house. Oh my god did someone just come in the front door… are those footsteps? EVERYBODY RUN!” And then it turns out it was just your friend’s cat walking down the basement steps. That’s about it for the short-term effects of ingesting marijuana. Long-term effects include the problem that it’s fat-soluble, which means it can stay in body tissue for weeks or months depending on how big of a stoner your are. This can have the consequence of royally screwing up the drug test for that job your dad helped you get despite the fact that you have a 2.1 as an English major. Some studies also show that frequent adolescent marijuana use can reduce IQ by middle age, and frequent smoking can cause overuse of cannabinoid receptors, which leads to a slower mental capacity. But there’s also a lot of research that points to there being no significant affect on the brain over time, which is pretty chill. Ever wonder why you seem to be making zero progress in the gym even though you’ve been working out week after week? Well scientists might have found a solution to your problem. I also happen to have a solution to your problem and it involves working out more than once or twice a week and also not spending 90% of your gym time on Twitter (“what a hardo,” yeah yeah I know). Also, every time you snapchat a picture of yourself at the gym, God murders a puppy and adds another inch to your waistline (that means you, every single girl on day 1 of “a new year = a new me”). But back to the real scientists and their solution. A recent article in Physiological Reports found that the recommended serving of high-quality protein for your post workout might be only half the amount your body really needs. If you’re wondering how that could possibly help you in the gym, it’s actually pretty simple. Protein – and its subsequent amino acids – is the raw material needed to build muscle. You build more muscle, you get stronger, and you can put more weight on the bar while looking around to make sure everyone is watching you and is impressed by how big and strong you are. But it’s actually a tiny bit more complicated than that. An amino acid called leucine has been intricately linked to muscle-building and might be the key amino acid in this process. It’s found in higher levels in better quality proteins like whey and egg whites. So if you want actual results while doing a weight training program, you should be eating/drinking leucine-heavy proteins after your workout. Furthermore, when you take out the whey protein powder you just bought that costs half your paycheck, double up the recommended serving. But only if you’re doing full body workouts, there’s no need for 40+ grams of protein after a 2-mile jog or a “bi’s and tri’s” day. This brings me to my five tips on how to weight train. Inevitably, this will make me sound like a major hardo, but honestly working out properly keeps you from getting hurt and is also good for your mental and emotional health. So stop being such a judgmental dick and read my tips. 1) Learn how to do each technique properly. Whether that means spending a stupid amount of money on a trainer or looking it up online for free, don’t just hit the bench, throw on 45s, and tear both pectoral muscles (aka your man tits). Also, don’t be that guy in the gym that goes around trying to correct other people’s technique. No one likes that guy. Even if someone’s fucking up and about to hurt themselves, just leave them alone. They’ll learn eventually when they wake up the next day with no feeling in their entire left side. 2) Do some research and find a good weight lifting program that’ll get you the results you want. There’s a lot of good material you can find online, and many of the programs will have links that show you proper form. My sparknotes version of what type of program you should be on goes like this:
3) Set a weekly schedule and follow it. It may be hard to get motivated at first but once you’re in a routine it gets much easier. There are also studies that show working out can have addiction-like effects on the brain, so you may find that after awhile you really want to go to the gym and look forward to it. *Bonus* Being hungover isn’t an excuse not to go. I’ve found that you feel at least 50% better after working out when you’re hungover. Plus, you’ll be able to say you actually accomplished something today before you spend the next 8 hours lying on your couch and reliving every drink you had last night. 4) Be a good gym member. That means keep to yourself, shut the fuck up (there’s absolutely no need to borderline scream while lifting weights), and wipe down equipment your disgusting sweat has been dripping all over. This should be really simple but it’s amazing how many people suck at all three of the above rules. 5) Don’t feel self-conscious. Everybody starts somewhere, whether you’re skinny or fat, or skinny-fat, no one is paying attention to what you’re doing because everyone just wants to get in and get the fuck out as fast as possible. Anyone who is judgmental or acts like a dickhead is in the minority and I promise you they are widely hated by everyone else in the gym. So that’s about it, but let me stay on my high horse for just one more minute. Being healthy and working out doesn’t have to mean you’re miserable while doing it, or that you need to become some gigantic meathead wearing an impossibly small tank top. You should also spend time reading books, and listening to music, and drinking with your friends. Basically try to make your life emulate those Michelob Ultra commercials where everyone works out in the morning and then gets together in a $5 million penthouse overlooking the city to drink some low calorie beer. Working out should just be one part of your life that develops you into a better, healthier, happier person. It should also be balanced with all those other things in your life. The dude at your gym who’s alarmingly jacked and carries around a gallon water jug only got that way because he probably works out twice a day, eats a disgusting amount of chicken breast or tuna, and defines himself by his muscles. From talking to those types of people, they’re generally really boring and don’t have much else going for them. Now that’s a major generalization, but I’m not gonna apologize for it because it’s almost always true.
Having a decent work out routine will make you feel better mentally as well as physically, so it’s not just about trying to look good. Get in the gym and see what works for you. Also, don’t try to tell people how to workout. It’ll make them hate you and not want to read any of your other really neat blogs. I never thought I’d say this, but thank god Mike McCarthy will be the Packer's playcaller again. After making the switch last year to having offensive coordinator Tom Clements call the plays, McCarthy finally took over the stagnant offensive with four games left in the season and rebooted the offense. Just when I had thought that the Packer’s playcalling couldn’t get any more predictable, Tom Clements showed up and proved he could be even more vanilla than our previously very vanilla head coach. So now maybe I should call McCarthy french vanilla instead, a tempting thought given that it’s slightly fancier than regular vanilla, but the connection to France reminds me too much of losing and/or surrendering, so let’s just skip it. Watching the Packer’s offense in weeks 1 through 13 last year was like watching a movie you’d already seen a hundred times. 1st and 10: Eddie Lacey up the middle (4 yards) 2nd and 6: Eddie Lacey off tackle (2 yards) 3rd and 4: Rodgers drops back, immediately forced to scramble as the entire defense blows through the offensive line like they’re Alsace-Lorraine and the defense is Hitler’s army. No receiver is open (shocking) and Rodgers either throws it into the upperdeck or at the feet of one of his worthless receivers. 4th and 4: Punt I get that the offensive line faced a lot of injuries and without Jordy, Randall Cobb and Davante Adams were exposed as clear WR2 and WR3/WR4 options respectively who need a top tier receiver to divert safety attention and stretch the secondary. So Rodgers was throwing to players who were expected to be on the practice squad before Jordy was hurt. He was also throwing to James Jones, a receiver that was so comfortable lazily drifting through his routes that he didn’t bother to change out of his “girls-night-in” sweats for the game. Come week 14 and a 3-4 record over the last 7 games, McCarthy finally took over the reins again and actually brought some life back to the offense. He mixed things up at the line of scrimmage, occasionally throwing Cobb into the backfield to get some actual speed back there and also putting Lacey in positions where he could succeed – i.e. not creating a pattern of playcalling that made it so the whole defense is thinking run right before we hand it off to Lacey. This reopened the gates for effective play-action, something no defense had bitten on since week 1, which is the bread and butter of this team’s offense. I don’t know if it was a pre-meditated genius move by McCarthy to throw us an offensive coordinator even worse at calling plays than he is, but regardless it worked. I’m brainwashed and ready to follow McCarthy and this team to the gates of hell, now let’s do what we’re supposed to do at Jacksonville and for the love of god don’t lose to the Jags.
Mylan CEO Heather Bresch is the new Martin Shkreli, at least according to the latest round of public outrage aimed at pharmaceutical companies. Her company has repeatedly increased the price of their EpiPen devices, which now retail at a cost of over $600. Major newspapers, media outlets, and even politicians like Hillary Clinton have expressed outrage at the 400% price increase since 2007. Let’s briefly go over what EpiPens do and why they’re important. EpiPens are used to counteract the sometimes-fatal allergic reaction called anaphylaxis, which occurs after an individual has been exposed to an allergen. It can cause restriction of the airways, which leads to difficulty breathing and potentially a complete closing of the airway if it’s not corrected quickly. An EpiPen can reverse this process if the epinephrine inside of the device is injected into the individual. This is usually done in a panicky-stabby motion as you channel your inner Vincent Vega and slam the EpiPen quickly and authoritatively into the affected person. Except this time you aim for the thigh instead of the heart since the EpiPen contains epinephrine (aka adrenaline) and hitting the heart would likely lead to your respective Mia Wallace having a similar reaction. So this is clearly an important drug device, especially given the rising allergy rates among children over the past decade. But why would a pharmaceutical company raise the price on this life-saving medication for seemingly no reason? Well, because of money you idiot. Why does anyone do anything? Why’d I get out of bed this morning to commute an hour to a job I hate? Why’d you do the same thing? Money. But according to Bresch, there are valid reasons for why they decided to increase the price so drastically in the past few years. These reasons include intermediaries (wholesalers, retailers, etc.) increasing prices, Mylan’s EpiPen4Schools program that has dished out over 700,000 free EpiPens to more than 65,000 U.S. schools, and the overall vast money pit that is the American healthcare system. These are all legitimate points, although they don’t really make up the margin of a 400% increase in 9 years. The skepticism a lot of people have for this price hike is more than deserved. Recently, one of the only other pharmaceutical producers of EpiPens ceased their manufacturing efforts, as they just couldn’t compete with Mylan. So what do you do when you have almost no competition? You price gouge. It’s simple supply and demand, laissez faire, Reaganomics, the invisible hand of the free market… have I used enough econ 101 terms to make you believe I know what I’m talking about? Good. So why is it also kind of bullshit that certain people are getting mad? Well let’s start with the leading health insurance lobbying group, America’s Health Insurance Plans. Regarding recent price hikes and Mylan’s attempt to cover it with patient assistance programs and copay support, they said that “pharma companies are continuing to deny reality.” Clearly health insurance companies aren’t happy about these increased drug prices, since that’s more money out of their pockets as well. But this is a classic case of the pot identifying the kettle by its African heritage (hey pot, racist much?). Between 2010 and 2014, the six largest health insurance companies have all had massive increases in their share prices. It looks a little like this:
UnitedHealth Group: +375% Health Net: +224% Anthem: +238% Aetna: +290% Cigna: +305% Humana: +309% Gasp! How dare Mylan and other pharmaceutical companies try to increase their profits and play with the health of the American people! We, the wholesome and generous health insurance companies, would never do such a thing. Oh, you’re wondering about our billions upon billions of yearly profit? Well, how else would we be able to afford to donate over $13 million to Hillary Clinton’s campaigns? Yep, the same Hillary who’s campaign spokesman said “Mylan should immediately lower the overall price of EpiPens,” as there is “no apparent justification for the price increase.” Really warms your heart that you can take your politicians at their word, because there obviously isn’t any blood money influencing what they say. So far, Mylan has done a decent job attempting to fix this mess they’ve gotten into. They’ve increased rebates for the EpiPens and expanded cost-cutting programs, as well as doubling eligibility for their patient assistant program and opening up a pathway so that patients can order EpiPens directly from the company, thereby reducing cost. They also just announced that they’ll be introducing a generic version of their EpiPen within the next few weeks, which will be available at half the cost. The problem is that with Mylan now backtracking and reducing the price, this story will be gone from the headlines soon. But the main problem still hasn’t been fixed. America is in a health care crisis that almost nobody is trying to solve. Politicians won’t go near Medicare or Medicaid as it’s political kryptonite and health insurance companies have Congress in their pocket, so any chance of reform is swiftly shutdown. But hey, let’s all yell at the pharmaceutical companies who research and manufacture the drugs that save lives while we ignore the health insurance companies that will deny legitimate claims while raking in billions. I feel like I’m taking crazy pills, but at least my insurance is covering it. In December of 2012, Hillary Clinton fainted while at home, hitting her head and sustaining a concussion. The reason for the fall was revealed to be dehydration brought on by the flu, which she was apparently suffering from at the time. This seems like a much more believable correlation and causation than back in 2002 when Bush fainted after "choking on a pretzel" and smoked his head off the ground, something that most people with a non-concussed brain didn’t really buy at the time given this pretty convincing equation: But in this case I’m going to believe that Clinton’s story is true, barring any news of a potential domestic violence dispute between her and Bill. Not that Bill would hit her, but rather that she would rear back and head-butt Bill with the intensity of four decades of sexually repressed anger. Now the issue doesn’t lie with the story on how this head injury occurred, but rather with the lasting effects of sustaining this type of brain trauma. Recently, Republicans have been running with the idea that Hillary has suffered severe brain damage and is thus unfit to lead the most powerful nation on earth. Bill Clinton only helped that idea by suggesting that his wife’s injury took “six months of very serious work to get over.” Besides the concussion itself, there was the added issue of doctors discovering that a blood clot had formed between her brain and skull due to the trauma caused by the concussion. Luckily, according to them the clot did not cause a stroke or any neurological damage. Hillary was kept in the hospital for three days before being released, after which she was subjected to skepticism from the media that her department had not been forthcoming when disclosing her health issues. There were also questions after she wore glasses during the Benghazi hearings and other events, when she had not worn glasses previously. Independent doctors have corroborated her team’s assertions that these glasses were to correct her blurred vision post-concussion, but are not indicative of any lasting brain trauma. Despite a fairly large amount of agreement among medical professionals, outlets such as Fox News as well as many pro-Trump sites and blogs have continued the dialogue that Hillary’s health is questionable and makes her an unfit presidential candidate. Liberal news outlets are working hard to disprove these assertions. In many cases they are also very clearly attempting to downplay the head injury that occurred in the first place. For example, this article by CNN stating that the blood clot was located “in a vein behind her right ear,” which is technically true, just like my ass is located behind my right ear, but they clearly were trying to avoid the severity of the actual clot location between her brain and her skull. I honestly think it’s tough to say at this point if there are or will be any long-lasting effects from her head injury 4 years ago. The conservative media tries to sensationalize it while the liberal media tries to downplay it, and around and around we go. So when you hit the voting booths this November, remember two things; Hillary hid a server in her bathroom that contained classified information because she was either brain-injured or because she was 100% senile, annnnnddddd Trump hasn’t suffered a brain injury but he still talked about his dick size on national television. We're truly picking from the best and brightest.
Full disclosure: this is gonna be a long one. If seeing a bunch of sentences in a row gives you anxiety or you still have PTSD from that one class in college where you actually had to read, you might want to hop off now. But if you decide to stay along for the ride, I promise I’ll do my best to make this readable and hopefully throw in a few jokes along the way. I honestly believe what I’m about to lead you through is really goddamn interesting, but it’ll be up to my somewhat (very) lacking communication skills to make it compelling for you. Okay, here we go.
In 1996, the company Purdue Pharma launched a drug that would make them over $35 billion in revenue and change the face of medicine forever, which is great. It would also be the leading cause of opioid addiction and overdoses along the way, which is not so great. This drug is called OxyContin, and a few years ago it could’ve been available from your local doctor if you did a halfway decent job of convincing him your back hurt.
So what does OxyContin do? Well, the mechanism is relatively complicated and any attempt for me to try to explain it would essentially be the blind leading the super blind. But for the purposes of this blog all you need to know is that it does a really good job of relieving pain. At the time, it was the longest lasting pain medication by a fairly wide margin. For the launch of their new drug, the company spent over $200 million and doubled its sales force. Using the pitch of OxyContin’s 12-hour long lasting pain relief, the drug was marketed to family doctors and general practitioners to treat common ailments such as backaches and knee pain. Which is like marketing a fire hose as a super soaker.
But there was a major problem; OxyContin rarely lasted 12 hours. In Purdue’s own clinical studies, about half of the patients required medication before the 12-hour mark, and for a substantial number of people, the drug barely lasted 8 hours. They were the pharmaceutical equivalent of a teenage boy telling his friend about the sex he had last night: “dude, it was crazy. We banged for like an hour.” When the only thing that lasted an hour was the shame-filled apology after he finished in under 2 minutes.
Company officials were worried that if OxyContin wasn’t seen as a 12-hour drug, insurance companies and hospitals would refuse to pay its hefty cost, making the drug significantly less profitable. So instead, Purdue declined to test the drug at shorter intervals, allowing it to argue that OxyContin had only been tested for 12-hour doses. Dishonest? Yes. Deceitful? Certainly. But in the end, smart; because the drug received FDA approval in 1995 and went on to make the company $1-3 billion per year for the next two decades. Dr. Curtis Wright, who led the FDA’s medical review of the drug, would end up leaving the FDA two years later to join Purdue and assist the company with new product development. What a coincidence. I’m sure his review of the drug’s sketchy clinical trial history was wholly impartial.
Soon enough, patients were telling their doctors that the drug was wearing off way before the 12-hour mark, leaving them in pain and needing to take three or more pills a day instead of the prescribed two. When this information got back to Purdue Pharma, they held emergency meetings with their sales reps and told them to encourage doctors to stick to the 12-hour mantra and prescribe higher dosages instead of more pills. Furthermore, the company downplayed the risks of addiction, which would now only increase at higher dosages, and encouraged doctors to prescribe the drug widely for common aches and pains. In hindsight, this would be similar to a doctor saying, “Your elbow hurts? Well here’s some heroin. Oh the heroin wears off too quickly? Then here’s some super heroin.” Which would be cool for a while, until you realize that, like heroin, OxyContin is highly addictive and leads to thousands of deaths every year.
Purdue also failed to intervene when it became obvious that a large number of doctors and pharmacists were funneling OxyContin pills into the black market. The company had access to prescription data from pharmacies, which allowed them to identify physicians who were writing unusually large numbers of prescriptions. These physicians were placed in an internal database called “Region Zero.”
Federal law requires drug companies to report suspicious activity to the DFA. By 2013, there were 1,800 physicians listed in Region Zero, but Purdue only reported 8% of them to authorities. Instead, they used this data to encourage doctors who were writing smaller numbers of prescriptions to write more. This encouragement usually came in the form of high-end dinners and resort getaways for Purdue-sponsored “conferences,” where I can only imagine they spent the majority of their time in places with a lot more sand, sun, and strawberry daiquiris than a conference room.
So what has happened as a result of Purdue fudging the numbers in their clinical trials, downplaying the addictive effects of their drug, and failing to report 92% of doctors who were over-prescribing? Well, first Purdue has been on the receiving end of a lot of lawsuits. Mainly from patients who claimed that the company falsely and knowingly marketed their drug for 12-hour pain relief. Most cases were dismissed, but Purdue did pay undisclosed amounts of money to some plaintiffs. Then the West Virginia Attorney General took them to court, making similar claims and eventually settling for Purdue paying $10 million into the state’s drug abuse programs. But then in 2007 the hammer came down. The company’s top three executives pled guilty to fraud for downplaying OxyContin’s risk of addiction, and Purdue was ordered to pay $635 million. Yay! We did it! Except for the fact that according to the CDC, 61% of drug overdose deaths in 2013 were from opioids and between 2013 and 2014, opioid drug overdoses increased by 14%. In other words, opioid drug addiction is still a major problem in this country. This is a messy situation, but I’ll try to sum it up as neatly as possible. Also, congrats on getting this far, here’s a gif of a puppy in a bowtie as my way of saying thanks.
What’s the main takeaway from all this? I’d say it’s that corporate greed and lack of oversight led to our nation being in the midst of a major prescription drug addiction crisis. That pharmaceutical executives downplayed obvious flaws in their drug because they saw dollar signs instead of the lives that it would ruin through addiction and overdose. So take away from that what you will, just don’t take away my OxyContin.
It has come to this. A journey that began in 2011 with the signing of the new collective bargaining agreement between the NFL and the NFL Players Association has led us through Deflategate, two separate court decisions, and now drops us in a world where uncorroborated allegations made through Al Jazeera are used to pressure Clay Matthews and Julius Peppers into “voluntary” interviews with the league. It’s pure insanity. This is the same report that implicated Peyton Manning last season and was discredited by almost all media outlets, including the NFL. Now that Peyton and his giant forehead have ridden off into the sunset, the report is being dragged back out into the light of day to railroad players that aren’t as beloved by the league (and in James Harrison’s case, are probably straight up despised). The NFL has become a farce, and it all started with the new CBA that gave Goodell an absurd amount of power over the league and the players, even though the NFLPA was under absolutely no pressure to give up that power. It’s like if a guy was stealing your wallet and you offered him the keys to your car as well, I just don’t get it. As Rodgers said, “we have no one to blame but ourselves.” Now Chris Mortensen is reporting that all four implicated players (Harrison, Matthews, Peppers, and Neal) have agreed to meet with NFL investigators. So what should their strategy be? I think it’s pretty simple: deny, deny, deny. Speaking to Matthews and Peppers specifically, I have three reasons for that strategy: you’re not under oath, you have no reason to implicate yourself, and our defense is gonna be awful if you get suspended. Without Peppers and Matthews, our pass rush would essentially be non-existent. We’d be losing over a sack per game and giving opposing QBs even more time to make big plays downfield, which is clearly our Achille’s heel since Dom Capers defensive strategy still exists in a time before QBs threw forward passes or had really any athletic ability whatsoever.
We need individual talent on the defensive side of the ball because obviously the system doesn’t work. Hopefully either Matthews or Peppers will say something in their interviews that implicates Capers in a murder so we can finally get him off our team and have a defensive coordinator that doesn’t still refer to WWI as “The Great War.” My gut feeling is that there isn’t enough hard evidence to implicate any of these players in PED use, at least not to the point where the league will suspend them. But in Goodell’s NFL, who knows what could happen. This might be the biggest issue in my life right now, which now that I think about it probably means that there’s much larger issues deep within my psyche but this isn’t the blog for that. Honestly though, it’s driving me fucking crazy. I purchased a pair of Dockers boat shoes earlier this summer (seen here being modeled by an Asian-American who I’m assuming is blind based off the rest of his outfit). Now typically I’m an L.L. Bean guy. I grew up 10 minutes away from their superstore in Maine, a place that’s open 24/7 365 days a week, just in case you wanted to purchase a canoe at 3am on a Tuesday. But all of L.L. Bean’s boat shoes this year were either backordered ‘til October or something only a blind Asian would be caught wearing. So instead, I took a leap of faith and purchased a pair of Dockers boat shoes, as they were stylish and affordable. Unfortunately it turns out they are neither sweat-resistant nor breathable, as my nose and the noses of others around me soon found out. I’d never experienced this problem before, so like a true scientist (barely) I decided to do some research. It turns out that foot odor is caused by bacteria that live on your feet and thrive on the sweat produced by the glands in your feet. They are called brevibacteria and they eat your dead foot skin and expel methanethiol as they digest it. So basically my foot odor is being caused by bacteria that live on my feet, eat my dead skin, and then fart out the byproducts. Awesome. At least that gives me an acceptable excuse next time someone complains about the odor emanating from my shoes: “Don’t worry guys, it’s just bacteria farts!” Now in my many hours of research on the subject, I’ve come across the same half-dozen or so “remedies” to help get rid of the bacteria and eradicate the odor. Let’s go over them one by one: Wash your feet with antibacterial soap. Tried that. Didn’t help. My feet start sweating pretty much immediately once I leave my apartment and head out into the humid hell that is the T in the summertime. I don’t need antibacterial soap as much as I need an air-conditioned car and a private chauffeur. Don’t wear the same pair of shoes every day. I came across this brilliant piece of advice no less than 100 times. Motherfucker if I could just buy shoes willy-nilly I wouldn’t be Googling “my feet smell like a sweatshop that manufactures diarrhea, how do I fix this?” Instead, I’d be buying a new pair of boat shoes from a company that didn’t make them out of airtight, heat-activated walrus skin. Next suggestion. Use a cedar tree to soak up moisture when you’re not wearing them. Why do so many of these tips involve spending an inordinate amount of money? Cedar trees are like $25 each, if I wanted to spend $50 on a solution I’d just buy new boat shoes and send my current pair to a facility for government testing. I’m assuming they’ll find a cure for AIDs or something in there, it’s like Operation Paperclip, something good has to come out of this war crime. Sprinkle foot powder in your shoes before you put them on. Apparently this is supposed to absorb sweat and neutralize the odor. But I’m pretty sure this wasn’t tested on the feet of a pale ginger travelling the length of the green line in mid-August. Sweating was postponed for a solid 30 seconds before my feet felt and smelled like I was standing in a shallow, scummy pond. I was in Allston at the time, so in reality I pretty much was. Wear no-show loafer socks. If I wanted to wear socks I wouldn’t be trying to wear boat shoes. Plus I hate the feeling of a low-cut sock sliding down your foot as it inevitably falls off when you’re walking more than 50 feet at a time. It’s like the feeling of a drop of sweat going from your neck to your ass crack, the journey downwards is the worst part, the whole time you’re just begging for it to reach its destination. I guarantee if I tried wearing no-show loafer socks they’d be in a trashcan on Comm. Ave before lunchtime. Freeze your shoes in order to kill the bacteria. I tried this and really the only thing it was effective at was nearly giving me frostbite after wearing my shoes for 5 minutes. I’m assuming you’re probably supposed to wait for the shoes to unthaw before putting them on, but I’m a busy man (child) and waiting is for suckers and also the title of a criminally underrated movie. That’s pretty much it. I found a smorgasbord of other suggestions but they were all either too stupid to be taken seriously or written by BroBible (“16 Ways to Keep Your Sperrys From Smelling Gross” pretty safe assumption that if you’re reading BroBible your also wearing Sperrys and an unironic “Make America Great Again” hat, but to each his own). So I think I’m stuck with flip-flops or socks and shoes for the rest of the summer. But it could be worse; I could be a blind man in a jean vest. Count your blessings. |
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