Ever wonder why you seem to be making zero progress in the gym even though you’ve been working out week after week? Well scientists might have found a solution to your problem.
I also happen to have a solution to your problem and it involves working out more than once or twice a week and also not spending 90% of your gym time on Twitter (“what a hardo,” yeah yeah I know). Also, every time you snapchat a picture of yourself at the gym, God murders a puppy and adds another inch to your waistline (that means you, every single girl on day 1 of “a new year = a new me”).
But back to the real scientists and their solution. A recent article in Physiological Reports found that the recommended serving of high-quality protein for your post workout might be only half the amount your body really needs.
If you’re wondering how that could possibly help you in the gym, it’s actually pretty simple. Protein – and its subsequent amino acids – is the raw material needed to build muscle. You build more muscle, you get stronger, and you can put more weight on the bar while looking around to make sure everyone is watching you and is impressed by how big and strong you are.
But it’s actually a tiny bit more complicated than that. An amino acid called leucine has been intricately linked to muscle-building and might be the key amino acid in this process. It’s found in higher levels in better quality proteins like whey and egg whites. So if you want actual results while doing a weight training program, you should be eating/drinking leucine-heavy proteins after your workout.
Furthermore, when you take out the whey protein powder you just bought that costs half your paycheck, double up the recommended serving. But only if you’re doing full body workouts, there’s no need for 40+ grams of protein after a 2-mile jog or a “bi’s and tri’s” day.
This brings me to my five tips on how to weight train. Inevitably, this will make me sound like a major hardo, but honestly working out properly keeps you from getting hurt and is also good for your mental and emotional health. So stop being such a judgmental dick and read my tips.
1) Learn how to do each technique properly. Whether that means spending a stupid amount of money on a trainer or looking it up online for free, don’t just hit the bench, throw on 45s, and tear both pectoral muscles (aka your man tits).
Also, don’t be that guy in the gym that goes around trying to correct other people’s technique. No one likes that guy. Even if someone’s fucking up and about to hurt themselves, just leave them alone. They’ll learn eventually when they wake up the next day with no feeling in their entire left side.
2) Do some research and find a good weight lifting program that’ll get you the results you want. There’s a lot of good material you can find online, and many of the programs will have links that show you proper form. My sparknotes version of what type of program you should be on goes like this:
3) Set a weekly schedule and follow it. It may be hard to get motivated at first but once you’re in a routine it gets much easier. There are also studies that show working out can have addiction-like effects on the brain, so you may find that after awhile you really want to go to the gym and look forward to it.
*Bonus* Being hungover isn’t an excuse not to go. I’ve found that you feel at least 50% better after working out when you’re hungover. Plus, you’ll be able to say you actually accomplished something today before you spend the next 8 hours lying on your couch and reliving every drink you had last night.
4) Be a good gym member. That means keep to yourself, shut the fuck up (there’s absolutely no need to borderline scream while lifting weights), and wipe down equipment your disgusting sweat has been dripping all over. This should be really simple but it’s amazing how many people suck at all three of the above rules.
5) Don’t feel self-conscious. Everybody starts somewhere, whether you’re skinny or fat, or skinny-fat, no one is paying attention to what you’re doing because everyone just wants to get in and get the fuck out as fast as possible. Anyone who is judgmental or acts like a dickhead is in the minority and I promise you they are widely hated by everyone else in the gym.
So that’s about it, but let me stay on my high horse for just one more minute. Being healthy and working out doesn’t have to mean you’re miserable while doing it, or that you need to become some gigantic meathead wearing an impossibly small tank top. You should also spend time reading books, and listening to music, and drinking with your friends. Basically try to make your life emulate those Michelob Ultra commercials where everyone works out in the morning and then gets together in a $5 million penthouse overlooking the city to drink some low calorie beer.
Working out should just be one part of your life that develops you into a better, healthier, happier person. It should also be balanced with all those other things in your life. The dude at your gym who’s alarmingly jacked and carries around a gallon water jug only got that way because he probably works out twice a day, eats a disgusting amount of chicken breast or tuna, and defines himself by his muscles. From talking to those types of people, they’re generally really boring and don’t have much else going for them. Now that’s a major generalization, but I’m not gonna apologize for it because it’s almost always true.
Having a decent work out routine will make you feel better mentally as well as physically, so it’s not just about trying to look good. Get in the gym and see what works for you. Also, don’t try to tell people how to workout. It’ll make them hate you and not want to read any of your other really neat blogs.